I’m of the age of engagements, weddings, babies, and mortgages. The excitement of the real world is beating down on me as I see my friends one by one succumbing to the American Dream. I may sound cynical of my friends and I will admit at one point I was jealous of everyone moving forward in their lives, while I’m constantly starting over. Instead of feeling left behind, I’ve finally come to appreciate the direction and the time frame my life is going. Besides even if my life isn’t on the same path as my peers, it doesn’t mean I can’t celebrate in my friends good fortune. I was overjoyed for their engagements. I danced my butt off and drank at their open bar weddings. I’ve enjoyed tasty BBQ parties in their new homes and now I can get baby wasted with their little bundles of joy. Definition of baby wasted: Being joyfully overwhelmed with cuddles, snuggles, and the smell of babies to the point of intoxication.
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The Mid Ohio valley quiet life has encouraged too much thinking. I have been dwelling and panicking on my current situation. In less than a month I will be living in a foreign country with no job, no language, and no clue. What I will have are some clothes, student loan debt, Dominic's family and friends and of course Dominic. I'm trying to focus on the positive, such as finally having a somewhat normal relationship. I say somewhat normal because I will be living with his parents while he does his last two internships in other parts of Germany, but we will have weekends together. I'm trying to appreciate this opportunity. The chance to live in a foreign country and learn a new language, but I keep thinking about too many damn what ifs. What if I can't learn the language, what if I don't adjust to German life, what if I can't find a job, what if we don't get along, what if we break up, what if what if what if?! The whole point of me moving to Germany was to live without one what if but in it's place countless others were created. Needless to say I'm freaking out while Dominic is overjoyed and excited by my move over. I need some of his positive energy to get me out of this slump of negativity and panic. Eeekkkkkk! |
Reading my diaryThe Diary section of this blog includes random musings and projects that don’t fit under any of the other categories. It’s a section for my miscellaneous. Archives
March 2016
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