Without fear I confess for the past few months I have been struggling. In the beginning everything was new and I was naively optimistic that everything would just fall into place. I thought I would learn the language, find a job, make friends and basically find my nitch in Germany. I understand things take time. I had already experienced starting completely over in Hawaii but after 6 months in Hawaii I already developed a flow. I had work, I was making friends, I was active and exploring, I was getting into my life rhythm. Now, after a 1.5 years in Germany I still don’t have a flow or rhythm.
The first problem I had to conquer, and in fact am still conquering, is language. Without the ability to speak and understand a language well, it’s very easy to feel isolated and lost. As I traveled Europe many people spoke english to me or translated for those who couldn’t. There were times where I felt isolated when a conversation was completely in French or German, but at the time it was only short term. I knew in a few days I would be off to another country, another adventure, which made my temporary isolation bearable. Since moving to Germany, there is no short term, no new adventure to look forward to. In the beginning Dominic tried to translate for me, but I still felt out of conversations, an outsider looking in. I still feel that way after 1.5 years here. There are still jokes I don’t understand. Stories where I miss the main point. And often I’m not quick enough to give my opinion because my brain is still too slow to translate and find the appropriate words.
I’m even completely immersed in German language, we only speak german at home, I’m still not completely satisfied with my language skill level and it is also having an affect on my English. When I chat in English, with my friends and family back home, my speech is not fluid and I have quite a few hiccups as my brain searches for the correct words. Not being able to effectively communicate in both languages has me a bit self-conscious to speak in general.
Now after wallowing in self-pity for about a week I decided I need to do something for both my English and German languages. I’ve found and attended an English speaking Breakfast club that meet twice a month. I’ve also sought out other English speaking people in a local expat group and I read plenty of books in English. As for improving my german, I’m participating in a small fitness class, studying daily, and actually plan on taking my B2 exam in April. I’m still on the search for a group where German is the foreign language as well as other hobby groups such as photography, volleyball, and hiking to get involved in.
Other than different clubs, I’ve found normal everyday activities can also be helpful in improving my german. Instead of watching movies or t.v. in English, I watch it in German. I actively listen to German music although I avoid most german hiphop, I find it actually worse than typical American. I also find it helpful to shop in smaller specialized stores such as bakeries or butcheries, instead of going to a large supermarket. These smaller stores actually require conversation between me and the shopkeeper whereas at a supermarket I would only say the obligatory hello to the cashier.
I’m still not feeling 100% with my language skills but I’m slowly becoming more comfortable and confident helping to diminish my expat depression.